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Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia

The reason for recommending groups for perinatal support is simple: We need each other. This whole “it takes a village” thing is not just a cliche. It’s an epic Truth.

When we were near and with one another, we SAW what pregnancy and postpartum life was like. We witnessed the hard parts, the joyous parts, the mundane parts, and we took care of each other in big and small ways. These days, in this culture there’s a lot more individualism and with that isolation and loneliness. Being in a group of moms and sharing honest experience can help reduce some of that.

Here are some San Francisco groups you can count on to be there for you. Since I have the pleasure of knowing some of the providers, I asked them to shared just a touch of their own reasons for providing these groups. 


CPMC Newborn Connections. CPMC offers two weekly 90-minute drop-in groups, one for moms of babies age 0-3 months and another for those with babes 3+ months. In each, members can connect about the joys and anxieties of new parenthood (and everything between). The cost is $5 and you don’t have to be a patient of CPMC's to attend. Brett Collins, the former facilitator says, "Your village is waiting! Come as you are - there's no such thing as late and everyone is welcome to cry (babies and parents)." (Laurel Heights)
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Natural Resources: Natural resources offers two weekly hour-long, drop-in baby support groups, for parents of babies 0-3 months  and 3+ months,  respectively. "It is a place to share about whatever is on your heart and mind surrounding parenting - and is an opportunity to meet other new parents and form lasting friendships. Babies are welcome"! The cost for members is $10, $15 for non-members. While you’re there you can peruse all their baby gear, talk to their welcoming and helpful staff (who know a lot about said baby gear) and check out their other offerings, which include lactation support, classes, and a host of other support and educational groups. (Mission District)

Postpartum SF:  Postpartum SF is made up of two clinicians who have come together to provide support groups to those having emotional wellness challenges in new parenthood. It covers relationship changes, attachment to baby, self-care, identity shifts and more. The group is capped at 7 members at a time and runs on an 8-week cycle, repeating throughout the year.  This group is designed to occur without babies present in order to give more focused attention to members. The current rate is $480 for the series which breaks down to $60 per 90-minute session. They ask that women commit to all 8-sessions but they can pay either up front, weekly, or monthly - whatever works best for them. The facilitators, Katy Lonergan and Alexis Monnier created the group because "We believe all moms struggle in some fashion and we want them to know they aren't alone.” (Lower Pacific Heights)

Recess: Facilitated by an infant mental health specialist, Recess hosts an hour-long new parents meet-up for expectant parents and those with babies under the age of one. In this group you’ll organically meet like-minded parents and begin building your new family’s community, while gaining resources to help support your little one's growth. Guest speakers relevant to your baby's needs will drop by with specialized areas of focus like sleeping, eating, and self-care.  Suggested donation is $15 and no one is turned away for lack of funds. As for the “why”behind the group, Lisa G, owner of Recess shares, "The first year of parenting is such a rollercoaster. We want to give new parents a space they can show up, in any state, and just be. They can share or just absorb, connect with others or connect with their babe. Our goal is to meet each mama and papa where they are and provide support." (Potrero Hill)

UCSF - The Afterglow: The Afterglow is a 6-week group that repeats throughout the year, and is for moms of babies 0-6 months old who are UCSF patients. I gotta tell you, I've only heard glowing reviews of this group (pun intended), where you'll learn, discuss, and connect with others, in addition to practicing some new self-care strategies. It's $150 for the series with limited sliding scale slots available, and is facilitated by two dedicated mama supports, Juli Fraga and Melissa Whippo. Their reason for providing  the group? "We’d love moms to know they are not alone and that we need to b able to speak our truths about the full motherhood experience" (Mission Bay)

So there's a start mama (mama-to-be, or someone who's keeping a caring eye out)! You can always reach out to the facilitators for more info. You will be lovingly received. 

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,
​
Shana

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Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

It's Maternal Mental Health Month - a time for bringing light to the facets of motherhood oft left in the dark - including the messy, hard parts, and those involving perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADS).

As such I'll be doing a few Facebook lives to do my part in demystifying some mental health related topics, such as perinatal anxiety and depression, and highlighting ​a ton of resources that can be helpful during  early parenthood.

I hope you find something directly helpful to  you and I sure do hope you share with a mom or mom-to-be who you care about. We're all stronger together. 

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,
​
Shana

​

Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

 Six months later and I here I am again with some more data to share from my Getting Real survey.

{To have this information sent straight to your inbox, sign up here. This stunning image/data was the first eye-opening result shared.}

I figured maternal mental health awareness month would be a good context in which to share (okay, in keeping with getting real, it was not my intention to take this long, but I'll be starting an #itsallaboutME campaign soon – ME = Managing Expectations. So here we are.)

I'll be parceling out information in bite-sized pieces from what I learned from these honest moms' generous sharing. With each tidbit, I will also provide some kind of answer to “what do I do with this information” by way of resources and tools.

Oftentimes simply hearing shared struggles melts away some of the weighty self-judgment attached. But also, using our experience to help others builds a sense of meaning and purpose. So if you have any sense of “I wish someone had told me that” please share this info with at least one mama or mama-to-be.

One of the essential questions I'm always asking myself is “How can we prepare for and support new moms without scaring the shit out of them”? I invite you into that same line of inquiry, now and forever.

Here's a sneak peak at some of what I learned:
​

• Even though dialog about maternal mental health is still quiet, when we do hear murmurs, it is often about depression. While feelings of depression – from mild to severe – were indicated higher than the national average by respondents, another symptom was even more common. Any guesses? . . . I won't make you wait. It's anxiety. So much anxiety.
• While the majority of of moms – 75% to be exact – shared their inner experience with partner (among other people for some), 60% also had difficulty connecting with said partner once baby was born.
• To no surprise, the majority of women wished they would have had more information at the outset, especially regarding the postpartum phase, though plenty of participants were caught off guard by the not-so-blissful aspects of pregnancy too.
• The most commonly desired type of support people indicated were small monthly groups. Whataya know? Many moms want close connection. So wise. 

Okay, all for now, more soon!

As usual, if you or a local San Francisco mama you love needs, support I am here. Other places to search for help from professionals trained specifically in maternal mental health are through PSI and Postpartum Project (this is an awesome newer resource with a database of all kinds of support - from mental health to lactation consultations to doulas and more! Keep checking back as it grows).

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
​
​Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

Why talk about postpartum mental health?

It's thought that about 80% of women experience the “baby blues,” a short term (about two weeks) bout of sad-weepy-moodiness brought on primarily by hormonal shifts. A smaller percentage of women have more serious, but highly treatable, mental health concerns, commonly known as Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders or PMADs.

Neither the blues nor the PMADS are openly talked about (yet), likely because we're all walking around believing pregnant women and new moms are meant to be basking in the glow of impending or new motherhood.

And there are are amazing, tender, hard-to-put-in-words, heart-bursting pieces of the experience. But, like with anything, pretending the hard parts aren't there when they really are just makes everyone secretly feel like they're doing life wrong, making us even less likely to be honest and open.

It's not hard to see how easily the cycle is perpetuated, and the consequences are shitty at best (holding shame and self-judgment) and dangerous at worst (having untreated mental health issues that impact you and your child).

So let's get educated first. Later, you get to decide if you would like to be honest about your own experience with those you decide are supportive and deserving of your story.

Getting to know the tougher end of the spectrum.

Below is information about the most common PMADS. These statistics and symptoms are taken directly from the Postpartum Support International (PSI)'s extremely informative website, edited to fit in one space so you don't have to click around. The links within will take you to more elaboratate descriptions in “plain mama English” on the Postpartum Progress website. More on both of these amazing organizations later.
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Depression: `Occurs in ~ 15% of postpartum and ~ 10% in pregnant women Perinatal depression is the most common complication of childbirth. Symptoms include:

• Feelings of anger or irritability
• Lack of interest in the baby
• Appetite and sleep disturbance
• Crying and sadness

• Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness
• Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in things 
  you used to enjoy
• Possible thoughts of harming the baby 
  or yourself 

Anxiety: Occurs in ~ 10% of postpartum and ~ 6% of pregnant women. It may be experienced alone or in conjunction with  depression. Symptoms include:

• Constant worry
• Feeling that something bad is going to 
  happen
• Racing thoughts

• Disturbances of sleep and appetite
• Inability to sit still
• Physical symptoms like dizziness, hot 
  flashes, and nausea

OCD: According to PSI, "Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is the most misunderstood and misdiagnosed of the perinatal disorders. You do not have to be diagnosed with OCD to experience these common symptoms of perinatal anxiety. It is estimated that as many as 3-5% of new mothers and some new fathers will experience these symptoms. The repetitive, intrusive images and thoughts are very frightening and can feel like they come “out of the blue.” Research has shown that these images are anxious in nature, not delusional, and have very low risk of being acted upon. It is far more likely that the parent with this symptom takes steps to avoid triggers and avoid what they fear is potential harm to the baby." Symptoms include: 

• Obsessions (AKA intrusive thoughts) which are persistent, repetitive thoughts or mental images related to the baby. These thoughts are very upsetting and not something the woman has ever experienced before.
• Compulsions, where the mom may do certain things over and over again to
  reduce her fears and obsessions. This may include things like needing to clean constantly, check things many times, count or reorder things.
  
• A sense of horror about the obsessions
• Fear of being left alone with the infant
• Hypervigilance in protecting the infant

Psychosis:  Occurs in ~ 1 to 2/1,000 deliveries, or ~ .1% of births. Onset is typically sudden, usually within the first 2 weeks postpartum. Symptoms include:

• Delusions or strange beliefs
• Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things 
  that aren’t there)
• Feeling very irritated
• Hyperactivity

• Decreased need for or inability to sleep
• Paranoia and suspiciousness
• Rapid mood swings
• Difficulty communicating at times

Got it. Now what?

Okay, now you know the general scoop on these disorders. So what if you notice symptoms in yourself or someone you love? Below are options depending on severity.. You can loosely think about what category you fall into and/or take this valid and reliable depression inventory, which has anxiety items on it as well (this won't screen for other PMADS).

Of course, calling me (or abother practicioner in maternal mental health) is a reasonable option regardless of severity, but let's make sure you have the full range of appropriate options.

Severe (it's real bad, even if it's hard to admit; score of 19 and above): Call your doctor and let her or him know what's happening for you. Yes, this will be hard. Yes you should do it anyway. There is no perfect time. If you have a hunch that it will help, make the call.

*Important Note: Postpartum Psychosis is a medical emergency and needs to be treated right away. This means you need to get to an emergency room ASAP, and once there be real honest about what's happening for you, including all the scary and harmful thoughts. Until you've connected with the appropriate support, you should be accompanied at all times. And remember, as intense as this is, it's treatable. This level of scary won't last forever.

Mild-Moderate (this is not normal for you and it's getting in the way of you feeling like yourself*; score of 13-18): Call me or another provider educated/skilled in maternal mental health. The recommended treatment for mild to moderate postpartum depression and/or anxiety is therapy. For moderate – severe, medication is recommended, and there is a variety of other non-medication options as well, such as light therapy and acupuncture.

Note: If medication is presented as an option and your first thought is “but I'm breastfeeding,” I'm linking you to two sites that can give you sound information about that. There are some medications considered safe options while breastfeeding, which is good to know even if you decide it's not for you (i.e., you can help spread the word so other mamas don't make uninformed choices!). LactMed is the National Institute of Health's huge inventory of info on the subject and Mind Body Pregnancy is the brainchild of a San Francisco psychiatrist, passionate about getting this information out to the masses.

Mild (symptoms are pesky and in the way of feeling like your best self*; score of 10-12): Call me or another provider educated/skilled in maternal mental health and/or create or check in with your personal wellness plan. Are you doing the things that you know work on better days, such as getting movement, talking with trusted friends, resting, eating well, praying, or whatever your specific tools are? Are you letting the helpers help? Do you need different ones? Do a quick assessment and see what you see. Remember, this is the biggest adjustment you've ever made, and it's challenging at its core. Of course feeling well is going to take more effort and resources.

*even the concept of feeling like your best self should be taken in the context of adjusting to your new mama self.

On Online Resources: Click wisely

As you probably know, when it comes to the internet, the line between staying informed and getting overwhelmed is thin. For the sake of your emotional health, I recommend that you, first and foremost, tune in to your inner wisdom or that of someone(s) who knows you well enough to have a fair say in what's happening when your wisdom is overshadowed by overwhelm, self- criticism, sleep deprivation, or simply the hardcore newness of this whole thing.

In terms of the web, it's my personal opinion that you focus on the aforementioned online maternal mental health resources.

Postpartum Support International is like the kind, giving grandmother of this family, who tells it like it is, without a lot of “extra.” In addition to the basic information provided above, she has answers to your frequently asked questions, a warm line that you can call in times of need (not for use in a medical emergency.), and the numbers for who to call in your city, state, or country to find an appropriate resource. She's the one who teaches many of us clinicians about this work and also offers stories from countless women just like you on the PSI blog.

Postpartum Progress is also a wellspring of information, but has more of the tone of your sassy aunt who's like “Oh honey, come here, I got you.” She's super smart and is on a mission to “create healthier families by raising awareness, reducing stigma, providing social support and connecting mothers to help for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression.” The best way to see all she has to give is by starting here. One of the sweetest offerings is a year's worth of daily hope emails.

Of course, of course be open to other resources that are helpful to you. What I caution against is Googling all your symptoms and noticing four hours and 17 chatrooms later that you still aren't quite sure what's happening or what you need.

Okay, I think that's enough for now, yes? If you've gotten this far, go ahead and thank yourself for staying informed. It's truly half of the work, mama. Now, go take a nap. xoxo

​Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
​
​Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

Pregnant or not, the decisions to seek counseling can feel like quite the inner-battle. You are feeling overwhelmed, worrying about the same things over and over, and your stressors are outweighing your current coping mechanisms. 

You’ve thought about seeking counseling for months, maybe years, but actually doing it feels next to impossible. 

And yet, everyone you talk to who sees a therapist (if they’re willing to share) says it’s been a game changer. The line I’ve heard most over the years is “Why doesn’t everyone do this”? Also common: “I wish I’d come sooner.”

I’m not going to try to convince you, because I know you need to exercise your right to choose what’s best for you. I know my own voice of I-don’t-wanna is strong, and I have to honor her position (though do try not to give her the last word too often).

BUT it is my passion to inform women of their choices,  big and small, and feel strongly that being emotionally empowered while walking the reproductive path is crucial. 

It can mean difference between feeling connected versus isolated, self-compassionate versus guilt-stricken, and resourced versus confused about what or who can help during the time(s) you need it most. 

Okay, so how do you choose whether counseling is right for YOU? 

Now that you’re pregnant - or even if you are planning to be soon - therapy or supportive counseling may be helpful if you: 

1. are only thinking/worrying/ruminating about pregnancy OR doing everything in your power not to.
2. have risk factors for Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADS)*
3. have been pregnant and/or given birth to a baby before and you have some lingering feelings of disappointment or disempowerment by the experience.
4. your difficulty focusing is getting in the way of your "to do" list and you feel accountability will help.
5. like the idea of establishing trust with a professional who can be part of the support team postpartum IF needed (spoiler alert: counseling can be a protective factor for PMADS). 
6. are a human woman who has a hunch that it may be helpful to access more support during one of the most life-altering times in your life.

*Risk factors include: 

• family and/or personal History of PMADS, 
• history of mood disorders; personal or family history of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, or OCD􏰂; 
• significant mood reactions to hormonal changes (e.g., with puberty, PMS, hormonal birth control, pregnancy loss); 
• endocrine dysfunction (e.g., history of thyroid imbalance or other endocrine disorders); 
• decreased fertility􏰂; 
• social factors such as inadequate social support, interpersonal violence, financial stress/poverty

Does any of this resonate with you? I'll be adding more in coming weeks about the specific benefits you gain during this unique and time-limited experience, but if you're ready, go ahead make that call. (More on finding a therapist here, here, and here). 


Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
​
​Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

Want lots more education about PMADS and access to maternal mental health support anywhere in the country and beyond? Check out Postpartum Support International!

This post original appeared on Happy With Baby and is updated here with a few extra resources:

I love the idea of knowledge as power. When I was pregnant with my now 7-month-old son, I thrived on learning the functions of my symptoms.
Nausea meant the hormones sustaining my pregnancy were strong and present. Ligament pain and achey feet told me my body was adapting to carrying new and different weight. Sore hips and wobbly knees said the hormone relaxin was doing its job to open my body up in preparation for labor.

Somehow, even though these experiences were unpleasant, it wasn't hard to appreciate them as living proof that things were exactly as they should be.

While far more intense (understatement alert), the same framework was a huge support through labor and delivery.

So imagine how disempowering it felt to have a brand new baby at home while going through things that were as elusive as they were intense. Like so many women, I had prepared to have my baby, but I didn't feel prepared to have a baby.

Side-by-side with the experience of falling in love with this plump little boy was the reality of long crying jags, nursing marathons, and an overwhelming sense that I was doing everything wrong - that perhaps someone else would be more competent to be in charge, because my intuition seemed to have snuck off to take that nap that the rest of me was stubbornly fighting.

But alas, I live not only to tell, but to reflect on some important pieces of information I wish I had been armed with before the little dude joined the team. I want every new mama (particularly those of the I-can-do-it-all-myself-ilk) to not only be able to say “It's not me, it's one of these experiences,” but also to be able to help identify them with other moms.

Connection is power too (second understatement in two minutes). Let's get started.

1) Growth Spurts/Cluster feeding OR “Good luck getting off the couch because every time you stop nursing the baby loses his ever loving mind until you put him back on.” 

Also called “bunch feeding,” this phenomenon -- when baby wants to nurse more than what is typical for him, whether that's every hour or every five minutes -- usually happens somewhere toward week two, then every two to three months in the first year. It may happen more in the evening, when milk supply is naturally lower. For me, it was an all day affair.

It's easy to feel stuck during these times, both literally and figuratively, when you're the only one equipped to do this marathon feeding. Some women describe these phases as feeling overwhelming, irritating, and tiring.  

With the intensity it brings, it can be easy to forget to nourish your own body. I know even when I had the foresight to set up a little station for myself with water, snacks, phone, and remote, I  would get so sidetracked by the baby's cries that I would plop down to nurse inevitably just out of reach of my goods. It was a sad sight to see, me staring longingly at that bowl of pirate's booty, so close, yet so far away.

But here's the thing. Because breastfeeding is a supply and demand business, cluster feeding is thought by lactation experts to serve as a supply-booster. This is not to say your supply is low! Many women think this is the case, and that can trigger stress, but it's often not the reality. Your baby is likely going through or is on the verge of  a growth spurt and needs more calories to meet his growing needs. 

He needs more. You produce more. It's an effective, albeit crazy-making little system.

Hard as it may be, try to remember the temporary nature of these megafeasts and the amazing function they serve. Getting some good recommendations for shows to binge-watch on Netflix probably won't hurt either. As there are pauses from feeding, let someone else be in charge, and grab a change of scenery, preferably one involving fresh air. 

Find more information on cluster feeding and all things breastfeeding related here and/or check out the book Breastfeeding Made Simple (the only book on the matter you'll ever need, in my humble opinion).

2) Wonder Weeks OR “Who stole my relatively even-tempered babe and replaced him with this screaming monster.”

Just as physical growth spurts lead to some fussiness and an increase in appetite, cognitive growth spurts - when babies are becoming oriented to the world in a new way, learning new skills, and making “mental leaps” - they have a really hard time of it. This often manifests as an increase in crying and clinging, suddenly and perhaps uncharacteristically.

I picture it being for babes a bit like when you pop those glasses on to watch a 3D movie and what was once flat is suddenly protruding within an inch of your nose. But you're under two feet tall, were content to hang in a warm, dark, insulated room for nine months, and did not ask to see this movie. 
 
The first of these leaps happens around week five, but not knowing this at the time, I just thought I suddenly had a baby who permanently wouldn't fall asleep and who would cry and require someone to walk him around for the rest of his life.

My arms hurt, my back spasmed and I ached for sleep. I plodded through our days barely keeping it together, and when I exerted myself beyond our norm -- specifically to celebrate my dad's 70th birthday, I fell apart. 

Midway through dinner, one that my brother had flown across the country to attend as a surprise, the tears spilled over.  I excused myself and made it an early evening. (In a fun twist of events, the baby slept peacefully through the entire dinner). 

The whole leap lasted all of a few days, but it felt like an eternity, one in which I re-imagined my whole life being harder. As the clouds parted, we were greeted by baby's first social smile (There is always a prize at the end of the leap, be it a new skill or a higher level of alertness)

These phases continue for the first couple years and are so predictable that you can actually download an app and plug in your little one's due date to generate a schedule of when these so-called leaps are set to happen. This can bring solace in and of itself. Baby screaming out of nowhere? Check the app, learn what baby's working on, and when you might anticipate the more peaceful time in the near future.

Access the book, app, and general Wonder Week Information here.

3) Supersized Self-Doubt OR “I Thought I Was A Somewhat Together Person Why Can't I Do All This. 

The above shared experiences are specific to baby's growth and the impact it can have when you don't know what's happening. But let's talk about the sum total of these first days of new mama business. Let's focus solely on you. 

Your hormones are still fluctuating, you're healing from the process of giving birth, and sleep feels like a thing of the past. The sound of your baby's cry feels like it is piercing your soul. And yet you may not have showered, eaten, run a comb through your hair. Your house is a mess and you may be snapping at the people around you. You have so many needs to be met, yet you feel like you should be able to do it all – and, dare I say, with a smile on your face.

I call an extra bulls*&% on this particular should and let me explain why.

During one of my exhausted self-doubty moments, I called a dear family friend who also happens to be a retired labor and delivery nurse. She had availed herself to me countless times, and the I-got-this part of me had yet to reach out. This was a moment of surrender. 

“Hi Shana,” she answered the phone. I squeaked out a hello. “How are you doing”? I somehow managed a short description of a difficult few days before the weeping started. “Would you like me to just talk”? She asked. I sniffed out a small yes. 

She described her own experience as a new mom, decades ago, walking in circles in her apartment with her inconsolable baby. She shared some of her education about baby's underdeveloped nervous systems that simply grow with time (So here's a bonus, it's not you, it's baby's underdeveloped nervous system). She mirrored the difficulty of this first phase, which was helpful enough, but then her voice got firm and she said this:

“You know, back in the day, young women gave birth and their elders took care of the baby. That was the norm.”

Lightbulb. 

I suddenly remembered studying various present-day cultures all around the world in which there are people who care for the mom and/or her new baby for the several weeks postpartum, allowing mom to heal and bond with the baby without having to tend to anything else. To not have this is a modern American cultural norm (one that hangs alongside our dismal maternity leave policies), not personal deficit!

Something melted in me in that moment. The enormity of what I was doing became crystal clear, and the parts of me I felt were lacking were filled with compassion and perspective. I walked into the living room where my baby boy was hanging with his dad, and that compassion and perspective enveloped them as well. 

Think of the sayings, “No man is an island,” and “It takes a village.” Well, I say “No woman is a village,” and we shouldn't expect ourselves to be. So perhaps the function of the overwhelm is to remind us to let our people in to help out. 

If you are having trouble accessing your network or need to expand it further, there are people out there who can help! Postpartum Support International is a great starting point that can lead you to local resources. 

For you San Francisco mamas, Natural Resources is an outstanding resource, and, of course, I can help too!

Remember, when things feel tough, it's not you, it's the enormous experience of sustaining a new life. 

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
​
​Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

To the mama who is having a hard time, listen close. You ready?

You might feel alone when you are in these exhausting new days of motherhood, which challenge your capacity for everything. You might feel very alone if you are experiencing a flat, depressed mood for weeks, anxious thoughts that keep you from getting that tiny touch of sleep available, and/or that naggy voice telling you that you are doing a bad job, that your baby doesn't like you, that you aren't cut out for this after all.

And you might feel real real alone if you are keeping those experiences to yourself. Because isolation is the breeding ground for unchecked critical self-talk and shame. And of course loneliness.

But YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are connected to every single woman who came before you and walks beside you in this world. Your maternal experience – the wonderful and the challenging – is shared across humanity. And your suffering -that ache that feels attached to you and only you - is shared as well. Maternal mental health disorders are thought to touch 15-20% of pregnant/postpartum women, and that of course only includes those willing to share their experiences.

And there are people who want to connect with you, to support you through this time.

But if I was just stronger, smarter, . . . If I was just more capable, adaptable. . .If I had a better attitude, diet. . .If I hadn't made this or that decision . . . If I was a different person I wouldn't be having these problems in the first place.

Hold on mama, cause YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Your hormones and brain chemistry are on the wildest ride of their lives. Sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture and you've been enduring it for a while now. You may have been raised with the belief that asking for help is weak, or encountered life circumstances that led you to rely solely on yourself. Perhaps you have a partner who doesn't yet know how to be of support. Oh, and you have just carried and delivered a human baby into this world, forever changing life as you knew it.

You're having a hard time not because of who you are, but because of an enormous, intense and complicated constellation of factors. It is so completely not your fault.

But what if I feel this way forever?

You won't. Anxiety is so uncomfortable that 30 seconds seems long. Depression has a heavy quality that gives the perception that time is moving slowly. Worrying about the livelihood of your child for a second feels like a second too long. But it's gonna pass, mama, it will. You gotta tend to you, because WITH HELP YOU WILL BE WELL. The first step is let someone know what's happening for you. Then the options are vast – support groups, therapy, medication, education, accessing your current and building new resources . . . 

You've been doing some heavy lifting. It's time to rest up and let others help hold you. You matter so much sweet mama, even on your darkest days.

"You are not alone. You are not to blame With help you will be well." is the key message shared with women and men around the globe by Postpartum Support International ~ www.postpartum.net. 1.800.944.4773