This is one of the most simple sounding exercises that I have ever experimented with, and tracked others' experiences with, and also one of the most profound.

We live in a very multitask-oriented world and many of us erroneously believe that multitasking is the best way to get things done. I won't get into how this is just not true, but check out this NPR episode on The Myth of Multitasking. I know that personally, I frequently fall into the multitasking trap, and it leaves me feeling dizzy and a having a sense of things semi-completed.

The tool, another goody introduced to me by Judith Lasater, is as it sounds, but I would recommend placing a time frame around it in order to track how it goes. Choose an hour, a day, or go all out and say a week, and try to do one thing at a time, particularly when other human beings are involved. 

What do I mean by this? If you are typing something and someone wants to talk to you, either finish what you are doing and attend to the person, or put the work aside, have your conversation, and then pick up where you left off. (A counter example would be trying to chat while staring at a screen, which we're all prone to doing).

If you are hanging out with a friend, save your text conversations for when you are done hanging out, as well as your email-checking, facebooking, and so forth.

Even when you are alone, if you are doing a chore and remember something else you have to do, finish doing your chore and move on to the next thing (if you think you'll forget, have a pen and paper handy to write a quick reminder). 

Try this on and see how this feels. How does it affect your interactions, your connectedness? Your sense of accomplishment and groundedness? If it feels good, wear it more often.

I'm excited to announce that I am expanding my practice hours and accepting new clients. I have a new office in the Bay Natural Medicine suite at 919 Irving Street (between 10th and 11th Avenues)! It is  a small, light-filled, serene space with the healing energy of massage, acupuncture, and naturopathic medicine flowing through. 

If you or someone you know have been struggling with difficult emotions, life experiences, and relationships...if you feel stuck, anxious, sad, or unbalanced more often than you would like to...if you struggle with critical or negative thoughts that are so familiar they feel normal, therapy can help. But here's the thing: The only way to start is to start. Making that initial phone call or email contact can be hard, but taking that first step does two things: One, it brings you closer to addressing your needs. Two, it sends the message that your needs deserve to be met in the first place. This is huge.

I continue to be inspired by those who allow me to be part of their exploration, even when it gets difficult, and who are willing to try on different thoughts, beliefs, and tools. 

Speaking of which, thanks for your feedback on the various Wellness Tools and other blogs posts I've been writing. I find that observations and insights are most meaningful when put to use, and it's a real joy when people describe the ways they've been applying them to their lives and sharing them with others (post on paying things forward, coming soon). 

Please let me know if there are any subjects you are particularly interested in, questions about anything you've read, or suggestions for how to make whole person health resources more accessible (comment below or shoot me an email). 

Yours in wellness, self-care, and compassion, 

Shana Averbach, LMFT

919 Irving Street, Suite 104
San Francisco, CA 94122
Tel/Fax 415.963.3546

www.shanaaverbach.com


PS I can't help but sneak in a link to my most recent favorite online yoga video that aligns nicely with the subject of moving and expanding. It's very gentle, good for the end of the day...

This is a cooking exercise that's good for the person who's been running from one thing to the next, or who's been lost in repetitive thoughts. It's a great way to slow down and truly get in your senses, without taking up a lot of time. 

Bonus: You get to eat afterwards!

I'm recommending this pesto recipe because it takes 5 minutes and I find the scent of basil alone comforting, never mind the stimulating smell of fresh garlic. If pesto isn't your thing, think of a simple alternative. Just make sure it involves at least one aromatic ingredient that you can really inhale.

Here is the above recipe (to be enjoyed on steamed vegetables, pasta, as a spread, etc.) along with mindful modifications:

1. Print your recipe (or use one in your head) and enter your cooking space without the company of your electronic devices. No phone, no computer, no I-this or I-that. Just YOU and your fresh ingredients. 
2. Feel your feet on the floor. Take a few deep breaths through your belly.
3. Slowly wash your hands with warm water, and notice the sensations of the soap and water on your hands. 
4. Switch the water temperature to cold and wash two cups of basil. Notice the change of temperature on your skin. 
   
5. Pluck the basil leaves from their stems and gently tear them in half. Deeply inhale their aroma before setting them down in the bowl of a food processor or blender.
6. Remove the skin from and slowly slice two cloves of garlic. Notice the crisp, cutting sound and the instant, and very different, aroma they emit. Add them to the basil.
7. Measure out a quarter cup of pine nuts and pour them in your hand before slowly releasing them into the bowl with the basil and garlic.
8. Pulse all ingredients in a food processor, feeling the sensation of the motor and noticing the colors and scents as they combine.
9. Add two thirds of a cup of oil and process until smooth. Notice how the hum of the motor changes as your food transforms. Add salt and pepper.
10. Add a half cup of freshly grated Pecorino cheese and notice yet another, very different smell. Slowly mix and notice the texture change again.
11. Raise the bowl to your face and inhale again. Remove the bowl. Exhale..

The other morning I went out for a walk and had to pass by my car that was parked on the street. In the distance I saw a piece of paper on my windshield and instantly braced myself for irritation.

My brain trotted ahead of me to ask all the pertinent questions: A ticket? A note saying sorry I ran into your car? A thoughtless gift of trash from a drunk passer-by?

I approached the car and removed a faded newspaper from under the windshield. Scribbled across the front in green marker read, "Hi Shana and David. Love, Brad."

A smile spread across my face, my body felt lighter. I held in my hand a dirty piece of proof that a friend took a moment out of his day to infuse a little kindness into mine. I carried that sentiment into the rest of my day. 

There are infinite ways to do this both with strangers and those you know, and the impacts can be great. This article from The Greater Good Science Center reveals a study in which recalling a kind or generous act led to increased happiness, and increased happiness led to more generosity. 

If I were to end this tool right here (offer a "take home message" as it were), I would say to never underestimate the power of a kind gesture.

But I will go on to offer a few  suggestions (and a link to about 300 more)...

Simple starters might include feeding someone's meter that's running out or paying someone a compliment.

If you have several bucks to spare consider paying the bridge toll for the car behind you (but make sure you're in the cash lane) or buy that Street Sheet from the vendor you might typically pass by.

If you have several hours to spare and/or you aren't into random acts of things, but instead prefer to plan sign up for some volunteer work. One Brick, Volunteer Match, and The Volunteer Center are all easy places to start

Keeping in mind the intention of committing kindness, see what just comes to you. But if you run out of ideas, here's a website dedicated exclusively to them... 

Have you ever had a burst of clarity about something you thought you were already quite clear on? This happened to me the other day as I was talking with a friend about how small interactions with people we don't even know can strongly impact our moods (in many directions). This was the end of that conversation:

Friend:"Did I ever tell you about what happened to me at a laundromat a few years ago? I swear I've never been so mad."

Me: No. What happened?

Friend: I was standing at one of those wide counters folding laundry when out of nowhere a tied up bag of dog shit flew across the room, past my face, and landed in the trash.

Me: Hm.

Friend: (Now slightly amped as though reliving the moment) I looked up to see a man and his dog standing just outside of the doorway. I gave the guy a dirty look and he just stood there with a slightly proud look on his face like 'What? I do this all the time'!

Me: He probably does.

Friend: (Softening a little) That's true. It's probably a game he plays with himself at the end of his dog walk every day.

Me: Man, sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own world that that they don't even realize they're throwing shit around.

And that was the moment. 

Objectively speaking, I think it's fair to assume that the guy outside the laundromat was more likely to be having a moment of fun at his personal free throw line than trying to insight anger in a perfect stranger.* 

But one of those life things that is really hard to wrap your mind around is that people are generally not trying to piss you off, even when you cannot fathom any other possible explanation for their behavior (attitude, disregard,"shit throwing," etc.). 

I first got on board with this when my 19-year-old self read The Four Agreements, in which the author, Miguel Ruiz, advised "Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

At the time I kinda got it, but I didn't get it. I'd put this invaluable lesson in the easy-to-understand-but-hard-to-practice category. Plus, it's a pretty tall order. After all, we are just a bunch of individuals trying to get our needs met. We are at the center of our own lives, and it's impossible to know what experiences each person is toting around.

But as I got older and especially when I started sitting with clients and working in complex and collaborative settings, this concept really started becoming clear. So much hurt comes from the mere exchanging of words, actions, and energy of people who aren't aware of the fear/sadness/desires/intentions/you-name-it of the other. This is true between family members, friends, colleagues, and the general public alike. In our most vulnerable times the the impact is strongest.

I once got a cold call from a Sprint representative telling me about some upgrade I didn't want or need. She called repeatedly from a number I didn't recognize which sparked a fear in me that something was wrong with someone I knew, so I answered. "Did you know you qualify for an upgrade . . ."? she read from a script. "What? No. I'm not interested. Take me off your list. Thanksbye," I said, rushing her off the phone.

A minute later I got a text from a different number. It read: "You aint gotta be a bitch."

The rest of this story can be saved for another day, but one of the first thoughts that went through my mind, even through my disbelief and anger, was that she was right. I actually could have been more kind with my words and tone, while still conveying my message. Her (presumable) need to make a sale mixed with my need to be left alone and to know that my loved ones were okay led to an unkind and unmindful exchange. The exchange ultimately led to a rather violating behavior.

So what are we to do here? Accept that people are going to throw their shit around? Stop throwing it ourselves? I would say to aim for a little bit of both.

Simply slowing down and increasing our mindful awareness that our actions affect one another is a powerful intervention.

So two areas of practice come to mind:

1. In any given moment, as we move about the world, we can choose to pay attention to how we make waves. We can say "excuse me," "please," and "thank you." We can notice when we've cut someone off and say "I am sorry." Sometimes it seems people mistake basic manners for dogma. But these words and deeds are surely just ways to say "I see you. I consider you and your experiences as just as valuable as my own." 

2. As others affect us we can stay curious about the intention of their actions instead of assuming we know. We can practice "I statements" (I feel disregarded and disrespected when you flung that bag of shit across the room -VS- You are a horrible person because you threw...). 

We can practice loving-kindness meditation and move the loving-kindness towards those with whom we have the hardest time. And we can continue to monitor our own interactions with those having an ongoing negative impact on our lives. We can gain perspective about another and still choose to not be around them (This is especially important to remember if the other is aggressive or abusive). 


What astounded me about the conversation with my friend was how instantly she felt different when considering a different point of view. Her anger was washed away, hung to dry in the light of a different outlook.


*Also objectively speaking, I think the throwing of feces should be an activity reserved for monkeys, but in this context that is beside the point.

So I'm not crazy about soapboxes (I prefer the eye-to-eye view), but I get very adamant about the importance of incorporating exercise or movement into our daily lives. 

I want to be clear that I am not what you would consider athletic. When I played kick-ball in elementary school I always chose the deep outfield to stand so I could talk with my friends about important life stuff (like Vanilla Ice and the future). I took gymnastics for most of those years, but when I tapped out of the young fearlessness and monkey-like tendencies that drew me in to begin with, I again was more into the gabbing portion of the class.

But after years of cultivating awareness about what makes me register on the scale of Okay - Awesome, as well as years of sitting with clients who are aiming for the same, I have come to the absolute conclusion that adding exercise to your life is one of the most predictable ways to feel at least a bit better, if not enormously so.

Feeling quite comfortable with my qualitative evidence, I'm not going to go into the research that says exercise might work better than anti-depressants and have better long-term effects on mild to moderate depression while concurrently providing other health benefits (but here is a Harvard newsletter publication that will). Instead I'm going to give you some ways to get started that will run you from $0 - $20. So here we go.*

If you're curious about your local gym, but don't want to commit or aren't a fan of the membership prices...Check out their free passes. Crunch does a 1-day, Fitness SF has a 3-day, Bally and Gold's have a 7-day, and 24 Hour Fitness has up to a 14-day-pass. UCSF's gym is doing an open house week, where their facility is free from 5/6 - 5/14! That's over a month's worth of free gym time right there, more than enough time to figure out what you like, dislike, want, and need. Bonus tip: If you are wanting to practice your assertiveness skills, this may be a good time. Gym employees can get pushy about getting you to join, so know what you are willing to commit to or spend on a more ongoing basis. There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying "I'll think about it and get back to you."

If you already know the gym isn't your thing and you are more interested in pursuing something like yoga...Employ the same strategy as above with local yoga studios (I have low- and no-cost options listed on my resource page). When I fell for yoga I had just graduated from school and was unemployed; Therefore paying a lot for classes wasn't an option for me. So I seriously dated around San Francisco yoga studios, taking advantage of intro offers and eventually landed where I felt comfortable. You won't know until you check 'em out. 

If you don't want to exercise outside of the comfort of your home (or room)...Order workout videos from Netflix (1-month free membership, then starting at $7.99/month), hop on YouTube (here's a list of 30 workout channels someone compiled. I can't vouch for them but it may be easier than sifting through thousands.). DoYogaWithMe.com offers truly free streaming yoga without asking you to sign up for anything. Bonus tip/disclaimer: **BE REASONABLE. If you are a beginner, don't attempt crazy workout stunts that involve heavy weights and body contortions. 

If you are only willing to try one thing...Add walking to your daily or weekly routine. If you are seriously forcing yourself to do this, start flat. Wander your neighborhood or stroll through the park. When you are ready to push yourself a little bit more, try to incorporate an incline. Get your heart beating a bit faster.

If there's no way you're going to add exercise on your own...Do all of the above with a friend with whom you feel comfortable. All these endeavors can go from feeling a little daunting to feeling like an adventure (or at least a laugh) when done with a partner-in-crime. 

* You should consult with a healthcare professional before starting an exercise program. 
** Seriously though, use good judgment.

"The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind. -Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Assignment: Today, notice what comes between you and the happy mind of kindness.

This above is one of the 365 awareness practice quotes/assignments sent right to your phone with the Transform Your Life app, also available in book form. 

These bite-sized pieces of food for thought are a great way to take pause and reflect. Some may resonate, some may not, but there are so many that something is bound to stick. Just using the reminder function, where "Transform Your Life" pops up on your screen once a day is a quick reminder of the power that we have over our own lives. I see it and I think, "okay"!

The creator, Cheri Huber, is a Zen student and teacher, and has authored 19 books, including There is Nothing Wrong With You: Going Beyond Self-Hate (there's one for teens too!), and What You Practice is What You Have: A Guide to Having The Life You Want. I haven't read them (yet), but the titles are so great that I want them at eye level on everyone's book shelf, including my own!