 You've made it so far in your search for a therapist.
You've decided it's time and identified what you need. You came up with a budget and have found a name or two (or more!). There's one more big step. Making the call(s). What do I say? One of the biggest obstacles people describe getting in the way of asking for what they need is “not knowing what to say.” Then it ends up in the expansive category of I-don't-know-the-perfect-way-to-say-it-so-I'll-say-nothing. Calling to set up therapy is no exception to this. I'm queen of the fumbly phone message and have found that scripts are helpful. So, here I give to you the simple script to follow when leaving a voicemail for a potential therapist (you will rarely catch someone live): Hi, my name is _______. I am looking for a therapist and got your name from _______. I was wondering if you are taking new clients. My phone number is _______ and the best time to reach me is _______. That's it. A lot of people report feeling a bit better just by making the call. So, now what can I expect? This can range. Ideally, the therapists will call you back and let you know if they are taking new clients or not. If they are, most therapist offer a free consultation call, ranging from 10 to 30 minutes. In the real world, not every person will call back. This is annoying, but is not personal. As someone who frequently helps callers find therapy, even if it's not with me, I used to get very self-righteous when I heard of therapists who don't call people back. Until I accidentally did it myself once or twice. Each time I knew I wouldn't be able to take the person AND I was so busy that finding a time to call was hard AND THEN so many days had gone by that I felt like calling would be intrusive. It was totally lame, totally accidental, and had nothing to do with the caller. If you don't get call backs, keep going down your list. Try not to lose momentum. What happens during a consultation call? During this call you talk a bit about what's happening for you, and you can feel what it's like to talk with this person. You might grow emotional, especially if you've been holding back for a while or if you are feeling particularly raw. Totally normal.You will also discuss logistical information and fees. This may be enough for you to decide, but if you are wanting to know more, a great question you can ask to get at the style of your therapist is, “how do you work”? As I mentioned in part one, looking for a therapist of a particular theoretical orientation is a bit tough unless you are already familiar with the multitude of theories out there. But if you ask about how a therapist works, you can get a sense of what they value and how you may spend your time in the therapy room. This is what I say: I don't see any two clients as the same, so my approach varies from person to person – based on need. In our first sessions I'll get to know what you're experiencing and get a bit of history. Then we'll choose long-term goals and start gathering tools for you to use right now. My experience is that healing doesn't work in a straight line, so we'll likely hop around from focusing on the present and the past, as it feels relevant. A lot of my work focuses on how you are talking to yourself about what's happening – which is often unkindly – and teaches ways to relate with more compassion. I believe this exemplifies my value of people's unique differences, the winding path towards healing, empowering clients to continue the work outside of my office, and the power and strength of self-compassion. Now what? Now you get to decide who sounds like a good fit for you and you schedule your first appointment. Congratulations on your willingness to getting this far. Even though this isn't necessarily easy, you did it. I wish you the best on your adventure. Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion, Shana Think I may be the right fit for you? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546.
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 It's the last Monday of January 2016 - the first of the final seven days in which we can still ride the impetus of the new year towards personal growth.
On another day I might have felt like time was moving too quickly (It's the 25th? Seriously?), but today, perhaps because it's the fourth Monday in this generously long month, I feel like this week is a great opportunity. I want you to see it that way too. I really want you to see it that way if getting started with therapy is on your list of things-you-know-you'll-benefit-from-but-don't-know-where-to-start. Today I'm talking to you. Let's all widen the scope of this new year's intention thing and consider that the whole month can be used to decide what we want to cultivate and what habits we may want to put in the not-serving-me-anymore bucket. My sense is that people are naturally doing just that – thinking about these things, which is terrific in and of itself. It's really something to let into your consciousness that you'd like to hand over some heavy items you've been holding to someone you don't yet know. Or even to notice that the ways you've been coping – maybe numbing, overworking, blaming, intellectualizing – are neither sustainable nor satisfying. Sometimes, though, thinking turns into ruminating or looping and we feel stuck. And one of the quickest ways out of rumination is to step into action. But what action is the most appropriate for you? It's probably one of these three categories:
Over the next couple weeks, I'm going to walk you through some of this territory in an effort to help you find what you need. I will offer some questions to ask yourself that get at specifying what you're looking for. Next up will be multiple ways to search for a therapist, no matter what your budget. And finally, I'll offer support around reaching out, including what to say and what to expect in response. But for today, what if you locate where you are right now? What category do you fall into? Answering this question may be a bigger step than you even know. Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion, Shana Think I may be the right fit for you? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546.  So I've been telling anyone who will listen about Brené Brown's Ted Talks on vulnerability and shame. And every person who watches them comes back with a profound sense of something. Movement, perspective, inspiration, you name it. For me, the material just. makes. sense. and we can all relate.
But these are only two talks within the vast world of TED (which, by the way, is an acronym for Technology, Education, Design - the three domains that were integrated in the original annual conference). TED talks feature people from numerous fields - from writers to teachers to scientists to doctors - discussing recent work, ideas and innovations. The talks are meant to "stir your curiosity" and they do a good job. As a Wellness Tool, I recommend tapping into the free and accessible TED archives, where there is something interesting and inspiring for everyone. And because sometimes having too many options makes us choose none, here are several categories of (potential) interest: "happiness," "self," "inspiring," "productivity" Why not listen while you do chores are take a walk? I can personally attest to the fact that I no longer dread folding laundry ever since TED came into my life... |
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