How to Find a Therapist, Part 3: Making the Call

You've made it so far in your search for a therapist.
You've decided it's time and identified what you need. You came up with a budget and have found a name or two (or more!). There's one more big step. Making the call(s).

What do I say?

One of the biggest obstacles people describe getting in the way of asking for what they need is “not knowing what to say.” Then it ends up in the expansive category of I-don't-know-the-perfect-way-to-say-it-so-I'll-say-nothing.

Calling to set up therapy is no exception to this.

I'm queen of the fumbly phone message and have found that scripts are helpful.
So, here I give to you the simple script to follow when leaving a voicemail for a potential therapist (you will rarely catch someone live):

Hi, my name is _______. I am looking for a therapist and got your name from _______. I was wondering if you are taking new clients. My phone number is _______ and the best time to reach me is _______.

That's it.

A lot of people report feeling a bit better just by making the call.

So, now what can I expect?

This can range. Ideally, the therapists will call you back and let you know if they are taking new clients or not. If they are, most therapist offer a free consultation call, ranging from 10 to 30 minutes.

In the real world, not every person will call back. This is annoying, but is not personal. As someone who frequently helps callers find therapy, even if it's not with me, I used to get very self-righteous when I heard of therapists who don't call people back. Until I accidentally did it myself once or twice.

Each time I knew I wouldn't be able to take the person AND I was so busy that finding a time to call was hard AND THEN so many days had gone by that I felt like calling would be intrusive. It was totally lame, totally accidental, and had nothing to do with the caller.

If you don't get call backs, keep going down your list. Try not to lose momentum.

What happens during a consultation call?

During this call you talk a bit about what's happening for you, and you can feel what it's like to talk with this person. You might grow emotional, especially if you've been holding back for a while or if you are feeling particularly raw. Totally normal.You will also discuss logistical information and fees. 

This may be enough for you to decide, but if you are wanting to know more, a great question you can ask to get at the style of your therapist is, “how do you work”?

As I mentioned in part one, looking for a therapist of a particular theoretical orientation is a bit tough unless you are already familiar with the multitude of theories out there. But if you ask about how a therapist works, you can get a sense of what they value and how you may spend your time in the therapy room. This is what I say:

I don't see any two clients as the same, so my approach varies from person to person – based on need. In our first sessions I'll get to know what you're experiencing and get a bit of history. Then we'll choose long-term goals and start gathering tools for you to use right now. My experience is that healing doesn't work in a straight line, so we'll likely hop around from focusing on the present and the past, as it feels relevant. A lot of my work focuses on how you are talking to yourself about what's happening – which is often unkindly – and teaches ways to relate with more compassion. 

I believe this exemplifies my value of people's unique differences, the winding path towards healing, empowering clients to continue the work outside of my office, and the power and strength of self-compassion.

Now what?

Now you get to decide who sounds like a good fit for you and you schedule your first appointment.

Congratulations on your willingness to getting this far. Even though this isn't necessarily easy, you did it. I wish you the best on your adventure.

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
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Think I may be the right fit for you? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546.