The Dishonesty of Depression

What if I sat beside you whispering in your ear all my negative perceptions of you—every disappointing or regrettable situation from birth to the present, every loss or failure, and every judgment of your body and character? And when those distant voices of positivity, reframe, balance, and perspective came along trying to tell you something different I puffed my chest, got in their faces, and scared them into hiding? Wouldn't you think that was outlandishly mean and totally unacceptable?

Depression doesn't consider your life experiences, your history of loss or trauma, or your complicated brain chemistry, but simply calls you weak, self-centered, and beyond help. It also tells you that the only thing you can do with yourself is sit, lie, and stay, and last I checked you are a capable human being, not a dog. It tells you such things because it is brutal, narrow-minded, and dishonest. And you my friend are deserving of a well-balanced truth.

I know it feels like you cannot do anything. You feel like you're walking through mud. You are winded by a trip to the fridge. Your body hurts. But please don't listen to Depression's erroneous opinion that sitting still is the only answer. Consider that doing something is better than doing nothing. Go outside for a walk, even if it's only for three minutes. Listen to some new music or something you liked on a brighter day. Call a friend. Make the decision to seek help. 

Sometimes we try sitting still to conserve the minimal energy we have, when we can create new energy by exposing ourselves to novel stimuli. This may be counterintuitive, but at least it's honest.

Remember that if you have been doing nothing for a long time, doing something is going to feel different. Different may feel weird, at best, and scary-as-hell at worst. But don't let Depression trick you into thinking that different is wrong. (And don't you dare let it tell you that “something” could be lifting the remote, fork, cigarette, or something else that may have negative consequences. You know better.)

Be aware that if you opt for the phone-a-friend option, Depression might tell you that being alone is the best thing to do. It might tell you that your energy is toxic, that you are burdensome or overwhelming. To this I ask you to consider that the act of isolating a person from his or her community of support is characteristic of an abusive relationship.

You can choose to not succumb to this abusive tendency. I invite you to think of a time that you were there for someone else in a time of need. Did their suffering knock you over or were you able to stay grounded and have compassion for that friend? Perhaps you even found meaning in being of support? It is no different with you on the other side. This is what our friends and family are for. If you can't identify a person to reach out to in this moment, don't let Depression tell you that it is because you aren't worthy. Or that you are truly alone. Add it to your list of things to cultivate in your life. In the mean time, call a support line or a professional instead.

You of course are free to make your own decisions, but there is just one more thing I want you to consider. Just because the voice of Depression is loud, does not mean it is right.

Remember that the voices of positivity, reframe, balance, and perspective are not gone, but are simply hiding. You can take the steps, however small, to find a safe space for them to emerge.