I Hate Running But I Heart My Sanity: Doing What Helps Even When You Don't Waannnaa

I hate running. I hate it. I hate how it makes my body feel from hair follicle to toenail. My legs ache, my lungs burn, my brain feels like it's getting jostled around. I'm as mystified by the elusive runner's high as I am by people who like going to the dentist. 

And yet. I tend to fit it in somewhere during the week, and for the past three or four weeks have been doing so every other day (big thanks to one of my besties for introducing me to the C25K app).

So why would I – a person dedicated to fine-tuned self-care for self and others – engage so regularly in something I can't stand? Well that part is simple. Because I happen to strongly value feeling alert, content, and emotionally stable as often as possible, and getting this type of exercise is one way I can assure myself those experiences.

After many moons of getting to know myself (and flaking on the same friend's October 4th birthday celebration three years in a row) I have learned that as soon as the first week of October hits, if I don't pump up my self-care regime to compensate for the subtly changing light, I go to a default setting of sitting still, isolating myself, and thinking something is terribly wrong with me. This of course perpetuates itself, the lack of momentum making it hard to gain speed, and then, well, let's just say I am eternally grateful that I figured this detail out in my mid-twenties and now it's all about noticing and intervening. But every year it's h a r d. 

This experience, of course, isn't unique to me. After years of sitting with clients, and talking with the other people in my life, I've learned that the action of choosing to do something good for yourself often happens despite yourself. Whether deciding to take a yoga class, reach out to a friend, make dietary changes, start or return to therapy - you name it – we often have to drag ourselves to do it, suffering days, weeks, sometimes years before making a move.

So how can we hasten this process and get to the interventions faster? Here are a few tips.

1. Make decisions based on values, not on in-the-moment wants: If I asked myself the question, “do I want to go running,” on a good day I'd say “no thank you” on a crankier one there'd be more expletives. But if I ask myself “do I value feeling peaceful, present, and grounded for myself and for the sake of those I encounter” not only do I answer “absolutely,” but I also walk right into the follow up question “how can I achieve this”? Running is merely one answer and my felt experience tells me it's the strongest contender. But now there's also space for other interventions to surface as well. 

2. A. Visualize yourself in the future: Go ahead, let yourself imagine how things will be when you are feeling more like your optimal self. What will it look, taste, smell, and sound like? How will you feel? Who will notice the shift? B. Now think of one step you can take towards manifesting that image. What's your move? What supports do you need to motivate you and hold you accountable? This will get you out of a problem saturated language and into a solution focused one. 

3. Welcome the fact that your chosen intervention may be as wonderfully complicated as you. I'm telling ya', every single jogging session is a roller coaster for me. When I'm in a longer interval and feeling the weight of my body, my thoughts are less positive, my eyes move to broken car window glass on the ground. When the interval is over, my step is lighter and I notice the birds tree hopping en masse, and it's beautiful. The highs and lows are symbiotic and the sum total of the experience is absolutely positive and keeps my energy flowing.

The same mush of experiences could happen if you sign up for a class or group where you are asked to step out of your comfort zone, but reap the benefits of pushing yourself. Or therapy, where painful thoughts or memories might surface before their sweet release.

4. Know that you can handle every last up-and-down bit of it. Know that you're worth the try.

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