A Lesson From the Playground

Several months ago, as I was strolling through the Panhandle, I observed a scene that leaped into my heart at once. A birthday party for what looked like a four- or five-year-old was happening in the playground. A group of ten or so children, a few grown-ups in tow, were scurrying around, sliding, swinging, and generating that unmistakable shrieking, giggling sound of play. It was so normal that I would have walked right past had one little boy not caught my attention. He had climbed the short fence, so he had as much of an aerial shot as a 3-foot-tall person could have. With a wide-eyed look of concern he yelled, without a shred of self-consciousness, “WHAT IS EVERYBODY ELSE DOING”?! 

What is everybody else doing? Oh, you sweet boy, don't you see they are playing? They are playing with effortless flow, not with thought, and you will enjoy yourself more if you join them.

I slowed almost to a stop and touched my hand to my heart. I had been thinking a lot about how to increase my feelings of well-being, particularly around overall life balance and career. I had also been counseling so many people who were making decisions about their next life steps, and these steps were moving alongside similar ones of their peers. I had been noticing how complicated these thoughts and decisions were in and of themselves. Anytime we are wanting to move towards a decision, we make a lot of considerations: What do I want? What do I need? How will I get there? What strengths and experiences can I build upon? Who are my supports? There may be a lot of questions here, but answer them and you are on a path.

But what happens when we veer away from our own inquiries and start focusing heavily on what other people are doing? Well, the path can start winding around pretty quickly. What is Suzy so-and-so doing? She is starting her own business and teaching a class? She got into that school? She has two kids and never looks tired? What? Her baby sleeps through the night? She must be better/more energetic, yet still calmer/more evolved/smarter/more driven/genetically superior than me.

Before you know it, you are lost and your only company are the stories and self-judgments you have generated. You forget that you are not Suzy so-and-so, with whom you share only partially similar fields of interest. You aren't really interested in going back to school, and you don't even have a baby, much less one with inferior sleeping patterns. And yet here you are emotionally perched on a fence screaming at the top of your lungs!

So how do you get down? Start by remembering the lesson you were taught in elementary school: Keep your eyes on your own work. Say this sentence to yourself with the tone of a gentle, compassionate teacher, not of a scolding one. Consider that focusing on others may be your way to avoid focusing on yourself, but still Keep your eyes on your own work. Allow yourself to be inspired by those around you, and Keep your eyes on your own work.

Non-creepy adult that I am, I did not linger at the playground that day to see what became of the boy, but I imagine that he found his way down, one step at a time, perhaps with a supportive hand. He may have spotted something he liked and joined in on a game of tag, or he may have found a great spot to build something in the sand. But even in my not knowing, I am confident that his plight was impermanent, that he did not stay on the fence. And I am equally confident that each of our moments of turmoil has the potential to be of use to others in the world if we are as willing as that boy was to be open.