The Benefits of Counseling During Pregnancy, Part I: Avoiding the Land Mines and Other Dangerous Traps

​I recently shared several ways to know when counseling during pregnancy may be right for you. I wanted to write you a short list of why pregnancy is the absolute perfect time to seek counseling. I wanted it to be cute and catchy. I failed.

It’s too important y’all. Why? Because if you’re reading this you are either in the process of, or considering bringing a new little human being into this world. It’s the start of a miraculous marathon and you will get pooped the f___ out, period.

But if you warm up, pace yourself, and anticipate obstacles, you’ll be in a better position for the long haul, to avoid injury, if you will. 

So I’m fleshing it out, point by point, starting with benefit 1: 

You will get to know your triggers, which will help you, A, cope when they arise, or B, avoid them altogether. 

We're all swept into difficult emotions from time to time, be it sadness, worry, fear, anger, and even rage. 

During pregnancy you may notice that this happens more frequently or perhaps more, um...surprisingly - as in why do I feel like I could shoot fireballs out of my eyes when my partner forgets about our prenatal appointment? Or, why am I weeping behind my desk after my manager gives me a piece of constructive criticism? 

While hormones are a huge culprit in this heightened sensitivity, that doesn't mean there isn't useful information in your emotional experience. When you get intentional about paying attention, patterns emerge. 

Let's go back to weeping behind your desk. You explore the reaction, noticing your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. When you got the feedback you felt ashamed and defeated, your heart felt heavy and you thought "I am incompetent." You start noticing other times this has come up for you, and get to work disentangling the experience, and finding a more balanced view.

Perhaps you had a critical parent, a one-time humiliating school experience, or have a long time propensity towards perfectionism that never went challenged because it served you in some way(s). 

Regardless of the reason, with some effort towards compassionately bringing awareness to your experience, being consumed by feelings if inadequacy transforms into something like "sometimes getting feedback triggers feelings of defeat and incompetence.” 

Now you have a bite sized piece to work with. 

Perhaps naming it takes away half it’s power. Maybe you do a strengths search and identify the times you had a strong sense of feeling competent. Or you learn how to bring loving touch to your body in that moment and let the wave pass.

Just like that you have options. Which one is right for you is to be determined. That’s why starting the conversation is key. 

In addition to learning what you need when in the face of your triggers, there may be some that you avoid altogether.

No, you can’t necessarily avoid feedback at work (nor would that help your larger need for growth, right?), but perhaps you have some toxic relationships that you’ve been having trouble drawing boundaries around, and now feels like a good time.

Or you notice some of your triggers are not people or settings, but sensations, such as being hungry. You don’t like that she-devil or anxious-annie who appears when you’ve waited too long to eat, so you learn to gnosh every couple hours, or whatever suits your mind-body needs. 

While avoidance as a defense mechanism can be unhealthy, avoiding things that are actually harmful to us is excellent self-preservation, for yourself and your growing baby.

Your objective during this time-limited, opportune phase is to figure out what you are better off living without and what you choose stay in contact with, but relate to differently.

The next installment will discuss more about not what is happening, but how you are relating to it (spoiler alert: you have options there too!)

Yours in wellness, self-care and compassion,

Shana
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​Think I may be the right fit for you or a loved one? Feel free to email me at contact@shanaaverbach.com or call 415-963-3546 for a free 20-minute consultation call.

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